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Ebook About For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children. Now Jane Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, and mother of seven, has written a revised and expanded edition. The key to positive discipline is not punishment, she tells us, but mutual respect. Nelsen coaches parents and teachers to be both firm and kind, so that any child–from a three-year-old toddler to a rebellious teenager–can learn creative cooperation and self-discipline with no loss of dignity. Inside you’ll discover how to• bridge communication gaps• defuse power struggles• avoid the dangers of praise• enforce your message of love• build on strengths, not weaknesses• hold children accountable with their self-respect intact• teach children not what to think but how to think• win cooperation at home and at school• meet the special challenge of teen misbehavior“It is not easy to improve a classic book, but Jane Nelson has done so in this revised edition. Packed with updated examples that are clear and specific, Positive Discipline shows parents exactly how to focus on solutions while being kind and firm. If you want to enrich your relationship with your children, this is the book for you.”–Sal Severe, author of How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!Millions of children have already benefited from the counsel in this wise and warmhearted book, which features dozens of true stories of positive discipline in action. Give your child the tools he or she needs for a well-adjusted life with this proven treasure trove of practical advice.Book Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills Review :
This is an instance where it is worth the money to pay for a new copy of the latest edition. As Jane herself has evolved and grown in understanding (the whole point of Positive Discipline, for parents and children both), so has the book. The first part of the newest edition spends a good amount of time reflecting back on the beginning in a very helpful way!The most popular review of this book on Amazon seriously lacks understanding of what PD actually is. It is NOT just “talking to your kids about their feelings”. While emotional health is extremely important, and gaining skills in talking about and understanding feelings and how to respond to them (your own and others), a true Positive Discipline response does not stop there. PD is solutions based parenting rather than punishment based, that is all. So the first approach to, say, a child not performing a family task required of them (cleaning their room, say) would be—waiting until AFTER all members of the family are calm and rational—A. Validate/understand why they are choosing not to do it, B. State choices within the boundary of getting the task done, then C. If that fails, moving on to a conversation between parent and child, thinking of a solution and agreement that you then HOLD THE CHILD TO until the task is completed, regularly and on time. Being able to say “what was our agreement?” Is not only much more likely to encourage cooperation than lecturing and yellling is (the child herself came up with the rules alongside you!), but it empowers children to understand their own power, ability and responsibilities, giving them that vital sense of purpose and belonging in the family.If this basic description of how PD works appeals to you, by ALL means buy and read and share this book! I can pretty much promise that actual application of PD will not result in a young person that loses their part-time job because the boss doesn’t care about their “feelings”. 😂 Many things in the book do not sit right with me.1. The first is that it is 12 chapters long, and there are exactly 27 references. (That's about two references per chapter.) And then 18 out of the 27--that is 66% for those of you who are counting-- are the author citing herself.2. The second thing is that this book was published on a no-name label.Ballantine Books.And yet, one among the very few references is the Basic Books label. (People who have something of substance to say can get it published on that prestigious label.)If this author has something to say, why didn't she get it published on a more reputable label?3. The third problem is that much of Psychology is such that: people believe something until everybody just stops believing it-- and then it's no longer true. I think that most people have sat through at least one undergraduate Psychology class and heard about Freudian rationalization of the human personality in terms of unconscious desires to have sex with one (or both) parents.This author takes work from a person who was a student of Sigmund Freud.And we know how in touch with reality Freud was-- even for all of his great influence in the last century.4. Did the authors own children turn out ok? She doesn't say.This is more important than it seems. I have read in more than one place that people who have Psychological/ Psychiatric Problems of Their Own are more likely than others to try to act in the capacity of counselors. (And it certainly Rings true with my personal experience / anecdotal evidence.)5. It's not really even good enough to say that this book has 700,000 copies in print. ( Fifty Shades of Grey has sold 125 million copies as of the writing of this review.)I also have an issue with the books epistemic foundations: Some things cannot be solved by logic and reasoning alone.Some children, no matter how great your efforts to litigate/ rationalize every parenting action just have to learn things the hard way.6. And that brings up another problem: In the home that this book would have us create, everything can be open for discussion/ talked away. But in the real world, either you have this house note or you don't. Either you get this job or you don't.What are you teaching a child if there is a bunch of back and forth/, feelings-sharing on any conceivable topic?If you gave the child the option of doing this thing that you asked him several times, or getting the belt vs. being talked to death..... Which of those is more likely to approximate the real world?7. I don't read any discussion of the concepts of Adler. How is he different from Freud, And what is his shtick?Can you please remember MANY other psychological fads that have come and gone. I remember in my youth reading books about transactional analysis (a la Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward).They were very popular around the 1970s, and now you just don't hear anything about them anymore. ( And again, even for all of his towering influence in the last century, no one seems to seriously talk about Freud anymore.)So, what is the staying power of this book? If I just wait another 10 years, will it join, the pantheon of Other Dated Pop Psychology Books That Nobody Cares About?Verdict: I have read the quote before by (EL Konigsberg) that: "The telephone and the light bulb were invented by men who knew how to make them work but didn't know why. I believe that's the way that people should raise children."I wholeheartedly agree, and given that you cannot recover the time that it takes to read this book I would recommend just giving this a miss.There are many other extant communities whose norms you could follow in order to successfully raise children. (Mormon, Jewish, Chinese). 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